Poetry and the Tango

I have taken on a lot lately but I don't regret it. In a way the more you do the more you can do. I keep in mind the law of attraction and when bad things happen I realize they are just clearing the path for abundance.

This month I'm writing 50,000 words of poetry. I've never tried that before, and it really had dredged up a lot of things from deep within me. I'll be writing some silly trite  poem and then wham, the next poem will be straight from my dark side! The poetry seems to jump from funny to nostalgic to horrific to scary to sad and back again. It is a lot of repressed stuff gurgling up to the surface.

I'm writing a 50,000 word novel too, and that comes a lot harder and a lot slower than the poetry. I assume that is because it has to have a plot. There are dark things in the novel as well, so I assume it is my inner self trying to find balance between light and dark, good and evil. You need the juxtaposition to have a good story. I'm not afraid of having dark thoughts as long as I don't act on them. When you are a writer you are both the hero and the villain.

The other thing I've been obsessed with lately is the tango. I love the passion and the sexual give and take of the tango. If money was no object, I'd buy a dance studio today and hire some tango teachers and partners. Then I'd find a nightclub where I could do the tango into the wee hours of the morning.
I don't know if my almost 60 year old knees could do the tango, but there must be some way I can modify it so I can do it.

As long as I can laugh at myself I know I will be alright.

Halloween is About to Pass Me By

A happy Halloween from my past.

I made this post on Facebook and decided it would be appropriate for this blog:

I don't know what is wrong with me. For six months I could think of nothing but Halloween and now it is almost here and I can't seem to put up any decorations. They just sit there in sad little piles all over my living room. I did buy 2 pumpkins, but one is still sitting in a bag by the back door. I was looking forward to getting gigs for Halloween and now once again I don't have a car. I'm not going to commit to people unless I'm 100% sure I'm going to be able to get there efficiently. And if I don't get it in gear, Halloween will be over.

I was going to go to the Trunk or Treat in Lucerne Valley but found out they cut back the hours. It only goes from 5 to 7, so what's the point?
Only small children will want to go to an event that ends at their bedtime.
I was going to make a "Goth corner" in my house for YouTube broadcasts, but realized I have no room to do such a thing.
Part of it is that I haven't met one single other pagan here in the High Desert. If they are here, they are all hiding in their broom closets. Phooey. My boyfriend has zero interest in Halloween. I learned long ago that if I want to do anything for that event, it is all on me.

This is Wallop when he was in his prime.

My motion activated toad.

I have no idea where this ended up after my move from Anaheim

Last Day of August

Last night I ordered new business cards that say 'Metaphysical Arts'. It didn't even occur to me to put "Portal to Esoterica". Ah well. I paid extra to have a 2 sided card. The  back has an appointment form in case someone wants to schedule a tarot reading or a spiritual consultation or hypnotherapy. I stayed up from midnight to 5 AM trying to figure just what to put on the card and the return address labels. So I was going to go to bed early tonight and it is already almost 2 AM. Where does the time go?
I've had good luck from Vistaprint before so that is who I went with. Zazzle was having a sale and that was my first choice, but in the end, once I added shipping the price was just too high. I'd rather spend my Zazzle earnings on something more exciting than address labels.

I would like to spend more time writing fiction. I know I have at least one trilogy in me somewhere. I'm jealous when my friends get books published, so that tells me it is a gift I haven't yet fulfilled. Otherwise I wouldn't feel a twinge whenever someone else reached their goal.

I got a book on weaving without an expensive loom. It shows how to use a wooden picture frame to make placemats or how to do circular weaving to make hats. Crafts connect us to Goddess energy and I love working with my hands.

I hope you have a fabulous September. I am looking forward to days that are not in the triple digits like today was.

June Update on Our Homestead Situation

The Law of Attraction stuff is really helping me. I felt I was on a roll with my older daughter. Both of us were seeing major changes in our lives. Then there was a death in my family. I feel like it hijacked my life for the last 2 months.  And my daughter was dealing with her own kind of depression. So now once again I feel like Humpty Dumpty trying to put myself back together again after falling off the wall. I think I've been online too much, and not living my life.

We got six new chickens on Wednesday. That cheered me up quite a lot. I hated seeing the broken chicken coop there with no chickens in it. Our new friend Andrew helped to drag the coop into a more sheltered spot, and then my boyfriend worked really hard putting it back together again after a stray dog and the wind destroyed it.  He dug a ditch all around it to bury some hefty fencing so nothing else can dig its way in. I feel good about the new design, although the hot weather has made working difficult. He's probably glad to be back at work today in an air conditioned building.

I need to start creating again. I need to get back to daily journaling. I started a happiness journal, which is where I force myself to write down the good things in my life. Then I have a regular journal for ranting and venting because I think those things are important too.

New pullets in their coop.

Making the coop more secure.

Our homestead.

We inherited so much stuff, I don't even know how to begin organizing it. We need to swap out our old leaky refrigerator for the one we inherited. That's a big project and daunting, like so much of my life is right now.

And our elderly cat is messing up so many things. We love him, but looking after him and cleaning up his accidents is a constant challenge.

Add on top of that the businesses we both run, and it is no wonder that anxiety gets the better of me sometimes.  I have costumes to make before mid July with hard deadlines. I did get the fabric, but I need to get out to the storage containers to set up my sewing machines and serge all the edges before I pre-wash the fabric. Only it's 100 degrees out there and I'm sure it is even hotter inside the containers. We need a break from this heat wave. We got the containers to use as our workshops, but in this heat, it's also a challenge.

So much is on my mind. I want to make this a welcoming environment for my boyfriend to come home too, but I get tired super easily.

I just glanced out my window to see a squirrel on the patio table. They are looking for water and shade as well. I keep 3 buckets of water full for the critters out there.  I'm also pet sitting my neighbors dog, chickens and cats. Yesterday I was walking across her sand and got fire ant bites in 3 places. So I'm dealing with those as well.

Sometimes all you can do is smile and carry on.

Altars Organized by Color

After taking a truckload of items to a giant thrift store yesterday, I went inside the store for a look. At the end of each row of household items they had a display. Each display was dishes organized by color. The idea stuck with me. The red display and the blue display caught my eye. So today I was pondering how to add something like that to my life. It would make collecting things easier because I could focus on just that color. So it occurred to me just now that I could do that on my altars.  The fire altar could be all red items like glass candlestick holders and candy dishes and red bottles. I could do blue for water, green for earth, silver for air, white or clear for spirit and so on. This is going to be a lot of fun.
I just wish I had more space

Everything is Lining Up

It is blowing my mind how everything in my life is lining up. I can't share the details yet. All is in flux. But I'm co-creating with the universe. I'm trying to be brave and not scared. I can't ask for big positive changes and then cling to all the old stuff. This iceberg is breaking up baby. Get ready to jump into the vortex.

This is a deck I got from a psychic from Australia at a psychic training seminar many years ago. I found it in storage and started using it regularly. There are 28 cards. For 3 evenings I would shuffle, cut and draw 3 cards. In each reading the 'Expect Delays' card came up. Yep, 3 times in a row. Notice, all the things I want are on the other end of this card.
 

Then I got this card at least once. May have been twice. Where it says 'change of house and circumstances' I thought 'oh no, not again.' Once again, all the things I want are on the other end of the card.

So, this was tonight's spread. After the news I got today, the 'expect delays' card stopped showing up. So I'm trying to be Patient because a lot of communicating and negotiating is going on. This could turn out really really well, or terribly. So I'm focusing on the best possible outcome.

The Mystery of the Axe Target

A few months ago we put together a target to practice throwing knives and axes. It's a big disk of wood that we balanced on 2 logs. It takes 2 people to put it up; one to balance the big part and the other person to keep the logs from shifting. In one of our fierce winds in blew over. It's been laying like that for weeks, next to the firewood pile. Any casual observer would mistake it for firewood.

A few days ago I asked my boyfriend if he could set it up again so I could practice throwing axes and knives while he is at work. So today I go out to the Zen garden to contemplate, and there was the target, set up perfectly.

When he came out later I said, "Wow, thanks for fixing the target. It looks perfect."
He says, "I didn't fix it. I know you asked me to but I never got around to it."

We both stared at each other.  I said, "You know I can't even lift that by myself."

No one has been over here, and even if they had, they wouldn't know what the wood was for.

Who or what set up the axe target?

Perfectly balanced.

Three Dreams in One Night

Last night's dreams were interesting.
In the first one I was driving around southern CA with my boyfriend.  We were arguing.  Then we got out and were walking around an expensive neighborhood. We visited a friend, and when we left we went our separate ways. Then I heard the crowd yelling that we were about to be hit by a tsunami. So I ran for higher ground. In my case, that meant climbing to the top of some playground equipment. Someone was already up there so I joined them, hoping it could take our weight. As the water started to pour through other people climbed up. It started to sway. I saw there was an even higher tower next to us with only one person on it. After the water rushed by on the ground we were all still dry so people started to climb down. I yelled at them to wait, because the bigger surge was yet to come. Sure enough a few minutes later the water came by in a much bigger amount, flooding halfway up to where we were. I was scared and worried but I clung on as we swayed under the weight of the water. I hoped my boyfriend was okay, wherever he was.

About fifteen minutes later a giant wave came through, gushing through buildings and the 2nd story level. We all got soaked. But everyone hung on for dear life. Soon after the emergency crews were yelling for us all to get to the buses. I climbed down and raced from bus to bus looking for my boyfriend. Finally I spotted him and he saw me but didn't look very excited about it. I got on the same bus as him and I don't remember any more of that dream.

In the second dream I had a gig juggling on an outdoor plaza. The guy who hired me was sitting inside one of the offices facing the plaza. For some crazy reason, all I brought with me were 3 gray juggling balls which blended in with the surrounding. I was barely able to juggle. I was so worried that I wouldn't get paid. Then some random juggling vendor shows up and puts boxes of juggling equipment out for anyone to use. Soon I'm surrounded by jugglers. I try to juggle some clubs he brought but they were all different sizes and weights than what I am used to. So they kept flying out of my hands. So I tried to switch back to my gray beanbags but another juggler had scooped them up. All the jugglers were better than I was. I was afraid I wouldn't get paid for sure now.

I just remembered I had a third dream. A homeless woman had killed a man in self defense. It was my job to take her to the police so she could confess.  When she did, the officer just let her go. He didn't really care one way or the other that she'd killed someone. She was very relieved and went back to her poor homeless life.

Two Vivid Dreams

Last night I had a series of nightmares. The easiest one to remember is the one right before I got up.
We were driving through the downtown area of San Luis Obispo, CA with my ex-husband and my teenage daughters. We were fighting over something so I asked him to pull over and let me out,so he did.

Then I was wandering the streets for hours. I didn't have any money. I stopped inside a See's Candy to watch a fat woman decorating cakes.  She gave me free samples of chocolate and wrote down my birthday on her big calendar along with my favorite kind of candy which was chocolate. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was homeless so I doubted she'd be able to find me the next year.

I was wandering around realizing I had to find more food before dark. I found some giant bushes with purple berries so I started eating those. I just hoped they weren't poisonous. I realized I didn't even know where my ex lived and I didn't have a cell phone either, and no one to call even if I did.

I felt someone standing behind me. I turned around and it was my brother.  He said, "What are you going to do, just sit there and eat berries off some neighbor's bush?"

I asked him what he thought I should do since I had nowhere to go and no money.

So he gets out this giant map and asks me to help him find something.
Suddenly I realize I need a bathroom.  I dive into one that is behind me. I won't go into that, but it woke me up and I have a bad headache.

This is the first time I remember dreaming about my brother. I haven't seen him in years; not since my mother's funeral.

Writing this down reminded me of an earlier dream. I worked in a brothel. We got to wear really cute outfits. The outfits changed once a month. Since I remember 3 different outfits I must have been there 3 months. There was a women there that did hypnosis and another one that dyed and styled hair so the girls would look their best.  I remember being jealous that I wasn't the hypnotist. I wanted to shout out that I do hypnosis too. I remember running down the street in heels to fetch one of the girls that was on her lunch break so she could come help a fussy customer with a haircut. That's about all I remember of that dream.

I woke up feeling exhausted and sore from tossing and turning all night. It's going to be a challenging day.

Watery Premonition

I had a premonition a day or two ago but I didn't realize that's what it was. I suddenly remembered and could see the day our giant green water storage container overflowed last year. I wondered why I suddenly thought of that and dismissed it from my mind.

Well today I'd been outdoors at 9 AM to see my boyfriend off to work and hadn't been outside since. At just after 1 PM I walk out there and it's overflowing again. I have no idea how long it's been flooding over the top but the run off was a few feet from the house. First I called the landlady next door and got no answer. So I ran to the very back of the yard, where I knew some of the water controls were. There was a big black lever. I pushed the switch down to OFF and the water soon stopped overflowing from the mid yard water container. So I guess that was correct.  Still no call from the landlady so I'm going to call my boyfriend at work. If it doesn't get fixed today, we'll have no water flowing until tomorrow afternoon.